More to the point
My mind's been bouncing around like a pinball the last couple of days. I punked out and posted two meme's in a span of three days. Just couldn't concentrate on what it was I'm dealing with, here. I've been thinking about friendship and, as the title says, more to the point, the fact that I don't HAVE many friends. Also the fact that I have a difficult time making those connections that turn into friendships. I'm mostly content with that, but right now, I'm feeling the aloneness (aloneosity? whatever!)I grew up moving a lot, often only being in a place for a year or two at most. I went to 8 schools in my K-12 years and we usually moved during the summer, so, until school started, we were pretty much on our own. I find it very easy to speak to strangers, and I'm exceedingly comfortable on my own, but actually forging real attachments is not easy for me. I think it's a skill you develop when you're young and a pattern you follow from then on. But are there some skills I can learn to make it easier for me?
I have a few close friends whom I've known for a long time. SJ, Lia and I have known each other since we were all 15 and I've known Jani since I was 17. There are a couple of people I've met through various jobs with whom I keep in touch, but sporadically. All in all, not a large roster.
I tend to be someone that others can come to for comfort and advice. I'm a shoulder to cry on and a calm place in the storm. But I also, with a few exceptions, face my own storms alone. It's not easy for me to ask for sympathy, or advice. And not many of my acquaintances see me as someone who would ever need that damp but welcome shoulder.
So, here I am, facing a huge life change. How do I widen my circle of friends as I get back out into the non-married world? Is there some secret way I don't know about to forge friendships that last? Southern California isn't known for it's "Howdy, Neighbor" friendliness. We travel from familiar place to familiar place in our isolated cars and try not to make eye contact with the other drivers 'cause you never know when someone's going to have a melt-down and you don't want to be in their line of sight when they do. Work is usually a good place to meet new people, but I'm doing free-lance from home right now. So, when I get back to an outside-the-home job, what can I do to find people I'll enjoy knowing without seeming strange and stalker-like. Any advice? I'm open to suggestions.
posted by Sheryl @ 8:10 AM
2 Comments:
I wish I had some advice to offer, but I tend to maintain rather shallow relationships with co-workers. Val is really the person I've met at work who became a true, lifelong friend. Oh, and Kathy S. (with whom I've now lost touch).
I hate the knowledge that our friendship is much more beneficial to me than it is to you. I really, really wish that were not true.
That last part is simply and emphatically NOT true. For many, MANY years you were the ONLY person I was completely honest with regarding my feelings about my marriage. Without you as my outlet, I would have imploded years ago. That, or irretrievably lost myself to the character I was portraying.
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