No Fault
I'm really pissed that we have so much legal crap to get through before we can actually go our separate ways. It's bad enough that a relationship is over, but now we have to jump through a thousand more hoops to END this union than it took to begin it. I think that is SO backwards. It should be much more challenging to commit to a marriage than it is to get out of one. Maybe people would have more of an idea what they were getting into if you had to actually educate yourself a bit BEFORE taking the leap. Not that it would have stopped us, mind you. We were very much in love. 24 years later, not so much. And now we have to summon all the civility we can manage to work together on dismantling the structure we've built and maintained all this time.When we get around to initiating said legal crap, we'll be filing in California, the land of the no-fault divorce. The government powers-that-be have decided that it's far easier on all parties involved if you simply agree to disagree and merrily go your separate ways.
So it's not my fault we're spitting up and it's not HIS fault we're splitting up (OK, it really is his fault, but not according to the state of California) it's NObody's fault. It's just one of those things. Just a big, fat case of buyer's remorse. You know, like you decided you didn't like the make or model and took it back to the dealer for a refund. Nobody's fault it didn't look right in your driveway. Nobody's fault you couldn't afford the payments. Nobody's fault the color clashed with the flowers in your front yard. Nobody's fault you wanted OUT, you felt strangled and emotionally compromised by the terms of the damned contract and nobody's fault that if you have to drive the freakin' thing ONE MORE DAY, someone's going to die a violent...
Oh, sorry, got kind of carried away there. The point is, in California, if you want a divorce, you GET a divorce, no fault, no blame.
So who am I to blame myself? California, in all it's wisdom, says it's not my fault I couldn't keep living with things the way they were. I'm not supposed to blame myself that I'm ending a union that's lasted a quarter of a century so that I can learn how to be myself, again. Well, hell, I guess the great state of California would even disagree when I call myself a selfish ego-centric bitch. But looking on the bright side, HE can't call me one, either!
Oh, and by the way, it really is all HIS fault, just so we're clear. I tend to get really honest when I'm pissed.
posted by Sheryl @ 8:55 PM
8 Comments:
I've been arguing the whole "make it tougher to get married" bit for years. Too many people rush in without realizing what they're in for. Makes you wonder why the divorce rate across the nation is higher than 50%.
There are lots of arguements to be made both pro and con, but the point is, education of any kind has to be a good thing. The more informed ANY decision is, the better. My situation would probably be the same, I wasn't too young or uninformed, but I feel as if a 25 year marriage has still been an accomplishment, and I shouldn't have to feel like such a failure because I can't keep it going for more.
I understand completely how you feel Sheryl. Butt head would have gotten half of what we had and then I would have to take him to Civil Court to get it back. So I did what every red blooded woman would do....I blacked mailed him...FELT GOOOOD
I agree with Kevin but I know your sitch is different.....I think California's infinite wisdom is all a great ruse so that people in Hollywood can get married and divorced five times a year ;). I kid, but you know what I mean.
Ahhh California, you gotta love it here.
Lia - well fraud is fraud, no matter which state you're in. Good for you, girl!
Snackie - Aw, do I have to, really? 'Cause right now, not so much.
Of the four weddings I've been to over the last 3 years, 1 is already divorced, and 2 are separating. I thought I was a curse for a bit.
25 years.... in fact anything more than 10 is a major accomplishment and you should feel proud.
Bec - It's difficult to take pride in something that's ending, but I get your point, and appreciate the support.
You can take pride in all the years you struggled to make it work, and the three great kids you raised. Admitting it's time to end it is NOT an indication of failure.
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