Having a Ball Breaking the Chain

Start spreadin' the news

I went to talk to my brother and sister-in-law today. I'd told them a little about what was going on, but basically in short, somewhat tearful phone calls. This was more the whole conversation, including reasons and examples and assurances that the decision is final. My sister-in-law has been ill recently and I feel so terrible about adding my problems to their already stressful lives. I feel so responsible for disrupting another part of their family at a time when they don't need more to deal with. Not that there is a good time for this kind of thing, but now couldn't be much worse.

There are some people in my life that just bring on the tears as soon as I get into the whole thing with them. I know there is a part of me that will always be sad that my life didn't turn out as I expected it would, all the growing old and being grandparents together stuff, but I really have no doubts that this is the best choice for me. So why, when my big brother asks me, in that voice he uses for only these kind of times, if I'm doing OK, do the tears just start overflowing on their own?

It was always the same with my Mom, while she was alive. I could be the strongest, most assured and together woman in the world to everyone else, but she had the ability to look straight through any facade I was wearing and see my true heart. I miss her so much and, while I'm glad neither of my parents lived to see this come to pass, I sure could use one of her hugs.

So, here I am, at 1:35 in the morning, listening to the quiet house and dripping tears on my keyboard. Tomorrow will be a better day.

posted by Sheryl @ 1:40 AM