Having a Ball Breaking the Chain

Uh... congratulations?

It's obvious by the way various friend are receiving the news of my impending divorce that I haven't always been honest about my feelings. Case in point, I had lunch with two ex-co-workers today. One of them is a dear drinking buddy of mine. We've spent countless hours sharing pitchers of margaritas on the patio of our favorite Mexican restaurant in town, discussing everything from our co-workers to the afterlife to the state of our lives. I know a lot about her (hi, Carole!) and she knows a lot about me. So when we spoke on the phone recently, and I told her my news, she whooped so loudly I had to move the phone away from my ear. She is SO happy for me and excited about the changes I'm making in my life. It's wonderful to feel such unambiguous support from someone who's heard a lot of what brought me to this point. The other friend was someone I had a more casual working-buddy relationship with. We've always talked about our lives and our ups and downs, but not necessarily our feelings. After she had caught me up on what was going on in her life, she asked me what was new with me. With a big grin on my face I said "I'm getting a divorce!"

The look on her face was classic. She wasn't sure she'd heard me correctly and half-smiled-half-frowned, looking SO puzzled. She looked at Carole, who was ALSO smiling ear to ear, and back at me, then said tentatively, "Uh... congratulations?"

I didn't leave her hanging for long, that would have been cruel. I told her it's a good thing and she was glad for me. But it made me think. There are a lot more people who are going to react with sympathy and sadness than will immediately understand that this is the absolute right decision for me.

With a few valued exceptions, I haven't been one to broadcast my feelings and I've always tended to keep the "bad parts" to myself. Part of that was not wanting MY loved ones develop negative feelings about my soon-to-be-ex because of anything going on between he and I. My family, for instance, have always loved him like the member of the family he has been. And, even now, it hurts me that this will affect, or even possibly destroy, the relationships he has with them. My family is a loyal bunch and quick to form ranks when someone is perceived as an enemy. It's sad that he, who has always been on the same side of any conflict as I have, will be seeing us across that bitter void. Oh, we'll all try to be civil, but alliances formed in childhood and forged in blood are strong. His family is very much the same way. If you're against one of them, you're against them all.

So he and I will work through the logistics and he'll talk to his family and I'll talk to mine. But we won't be going much beyond polite chit chat with each others'. Uh... congratulations? Not so much.

posted by Sheryl @ 8:24 PM